Chapter 19: Myth—Sexuality Doesn’t Matter

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In the process of foreplay during love making, erotic pleasures are

evoked in both lovers by the use of their entire bodies. This includes skin touching skin along the entire length of the body, the use of our hands and of course the use of our mouths, lips and tongues. The act of oral sex between passionate lovers may seem as natural to some as any other aspect of their

sexuality. Still, to others, it may seem incredibly repulsive. The spiritual guidance here is simple. One should not be forced into doing something that doesn’t feel right to them. Therefore, what is acceptable for one lover may not be for the other lover.

The Penner’s summarize: “The Scriptures are not clear on the matter of oral sex, and so it is one of those gray areas where various biblical teachings will come into play. The principle of what is loving and caring for the other person must be addressed. On the other hand, the teaching that our

bodies are each other’s to enjoy must also be incorporated.” 37 I highly recommend their book for a more complete discussion of oral sex.

Do I personally believe that masturbation and oral sex are okay for the

Christian? Yes, I do, but only in the context of marriage and only in the context of what feels natural for both lovers. This is not something that can be forced on either partner. It either comes naturally as it does to many married couples or it doesn’t. In all cases, care must be given to the act of

sex from a cleanliness perspective. In this respect, I agree with Solomon that the ability to enjoy the fullness of our lover’s body is a wonderful gift from God. Now I realize that I have just taken a position that is opposite of many in the Church. It certainly isn’t the first. However, I was a young

sailor passionately in love with my wife and our love knew no limits for one another. That existed for a full fourteen years before I gave my heart to God. Now, twenty-five years after that surrender to God, nothing has changed in my views of making love in a God sanctioned marriage bed.

Pleasure is a part of our sexuality! To deny that pleasure or diminish those who feel pleasure with guilt teachings on the “immorality of pleasure” per se is what truly leads to unchecked sexual immorality. When the church

denies the reality of our bodies, it demonstrates ignorance of sex. This fails to then make the critical distinction that sexual pleasure in marriage is okay.