Chapter 19: Myth—Sexuality Doesn’t Matter

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I remember reading an employment agency maxim once that said if

you listed seven “must haves” on any job description, that you would never find anyone to fill the position. Perhaps I was getting a little carried away? I admit I asked my daughters what attributes they’d like to see in my next wife. Loving children and shopping were their top choices. As I mentally

reflected on the list I had created, I realized that this woman was most likely batting in the ninety-percentile range. Still, she was nine years younger and although in her late forties was never married and never had kids. I had found out quite fast that she just loved kids. Now I wondered.

What if I did marry a 50-year old and she came up to me and asked if we could make a baby? Well, I know myself and would actually say yes to such a request, after we assessed the risks to her health. If I loved a woman enough to choose to spend my life with her, I would love her enough to

honor her request. Yet, I personally do not want to start a new family, because I do not want to be an 80-year old at my kid’s H.S. graduation. In my mind this was almost an instant and easy way to eliminate anyone from my internal dating criteria. Also in my mental lists were no smoking and no

drinking alcohol, etc. I would not date any woman who was into these substances. She had passed all the easy screens, but then came the meeting.

We met at Panera Bread in Anoka one afternoon about 6 p.m. She

beat me there and was having dinner. Independence observed. I told her at some point I was not into independence per se. I was into interdependence. That is what it means when a husband and wife rely upon each other as best friends and also rely upon their God. Yet, to get to interdependence, you’ve

got to at least become independent. Only independent people can choose to be mutually interdependent upon one another. Those who are dependent upon God do not take action alone. Those who are interdependent with God understand that He will guide their path so they can take independent action.

It explains why so many people think that God will take care of everything and don’t understand that God calls us all to action. Same thing occurs in long-term marriages. Each interdependent partner knows they can take independent action, because both have committed hearts to each other and

the decisions they make work towards the good of both lovers. Or, they simply do not matter in the context of their committed hearts.