Chapter 19: Myth—Sexuality Doesn’t Matter

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Are you gasping for air yet? Hold on, there is a lot more ground to

cover. Consider that sex therapists 31 like Sue Johanson of Canada also advise the use of masturbation to level out the sexual needs of married couples. Maybe the husband wants sex seven times a week and the wife two times, then what? I’d say, let’s take the average. But others say work out a

compromise and if needed the other person can masturbate in between sex encounters. Sounds clinical I know, but it is a solution if both partners agree. Jackie and I were watching a show where the wife was upset that her husband would have sex and then masturbate later on the same day. Jackie’s

feeling was that his body belonged to his wife. This is biblical. Therefore, any such solution to different sex needs should be mutually agreed upon. This is especially true because this is the level of intimacy that will enable marriage to survive. If you can’t talk about sex needs with one another, it is not a good long-term sign. Get to know one another’s body and needs in a

very intimate way. As your marriage progresses, children and other life forces will take away the spontaneity that was present in the early years. If you want to continue with an active sex life, you’ll have to start planning it.

Masturbation cannot take the place of vaginal sex for the male or female. It is inferior in major ways. For the male, masturbation leads to ejaculation, but this is not the same as having an orgasm. When the male penis is inside the female’s vagina and they are face to face, their entire

bodies become involved as chests, breasts, legs, thighs, lips, eyes, etc. touch each other. When an orgasm occurs, it transcends masturbation, because it involves many other organs than just the genitals. It also involves the spirit side of the relationship, which heightens the sexual drama. Yet, clearly the

act of masturbation plays a role in all married sex to some degree.

Therefore, while masturbation is a “dirty” word, the reality is that most people engage in some form of it either with their lover or by

themselves. I won’t even bother citing statistics from sex studies, because you can find those on your own. Can masturbation be a problem? Yes, it can. When it interferes with the normal sexual relationship of the married couple, it can pose a problem. Likewise, it can be an aide to marital sex

when the male has a hard time “holding on” and experiences a premature ejaculation.