Chapter 19: Myth—Sexuality Doesn’t Matter

Page 134

An article 72 titled, “We’re Not In The Mood” states, “Psychologists

estimate that 15 to 20 percent of couples have sex no more than 10 times a year, which is how the experts define sexless marriage.” But former U.S. Labor Secretary Robert Reich “jokes about the pressure couples are under in speeches he gives on overworked Americans. Have you heard of DINS, he

asks his audience? It stands for dual income, no sex.”

According to a 2002 study 73 by the respected National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago, “Married couples say they

have sex 68.5 times a year, or slight more than once a week.” NORC says, “The numbers haven’t changed much over the past 10 years.”

The pressures on the modern marriage can all but wipe out sex. As I reflect back on my experiences, I realize how much my entrepreneurial

endeavors took me away from a more robust sexual life. If the business activity did not wear me out physically, it often left my brain wracked. I now can appreciate just how much those brain thoughts, including worry, interfered with our sexual ecstasy by inhibiting my P.N.S.

If you are raising a family, start setting aside a time during the week for a date between lovers. Do not let anything interfere with your date night. Secondly, start planning for sex. Don’t wait for spontaneity to return as you

might find yourself very old. Put the kids to bed EARLY every night and make time for one another. Keep them on a schedule and don’t take them to activities every night of the week. Limit chasing during the evenings to one night. If you’ve got three kids and every kid gets his night, plus Wednesday

night and Sunday are for church, you’ve just planned away five nights of seven. You should be planning “to be a family.” Turn the television off and plan each evening to have dinner together and talk about life.

Put some excitement into your sex life. Should a married couple limit sex to the bedroom? What about sex in the other rooms of the house? What about sex on the floor, on different furniture, in a tent, in your car, etc? A married couple is free to have sex in any “private” location where they won’t

be disturbed. That includes behind a curtain in a one-room apartment in a third world country with kids on other side disciplined not to disturb.