Chapter 19: Myth—Sexuality Doesn’t Matter

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Eliminate alcohol and tobacco from your life. Alcohol dampens the

sexual response of the body and will ruin sex at some point in a marriage. In fact, as little as two drinks can affect your sexual prowess. Tobacco causes short-term memory loss and a laundry list of other problems all of which will dampen your sex life at some point. I speak from experience in these

matters having been both a drinker and a smoker. Plan to engage your lover with a clear mind, whole body and 100% of your heart. To state another way, go to your lover with your full wits about you. That is when you can relax, get your brain out of play and allow your P.N.S. to take over. That is

when ecstasy is possible. Isn’t that also what God wants from you, a clear mind, whole body and a fully committed heart?

If married sex is not up to where you want it to be, it is a matter of intimacy for the most part. This is to say the lovers are not being as intimate

as they need to be. Little things creep into a marriage and before you realize it, a wedge is between the partners and often sex is even used as a weapon of sorts. Remember Paul’s admonishment to come together. Don’t give Satan a foothold in your marriage by using sex as a negotiating tool. Instead, use

sex as an intimacy tool to enhance your relationship. There is help forming a deeper level of intimacy. Lana Holstein, M.D. 74 has written a book entitled “How To Have Magnificent Sex: The 7 Dimensions of a Vital Sexual Connection.” The book deals with the levels of sexual intimacy. I

haven’t read the book, but I saw her PBS television special and highly recommend her instructions to take your sexual intimacy to a higher level.

There is also Dr. John Gray and his “Men are from MARS & Women

are from Venus” 75 materials. He has a great audio program along with other resources to enhance your sex life and increase the intimacy in your marriage. You don’t have to settle for a dissatisfying sex life. In fact, if you do, it is indicative of intimacy problems and I suspect a marriage that might

lead to divorce. Intimacy means good communications. This leads to good sex. Poor sex is a reflection of communications and intimacy issues in a marriage. It is also a sign of a wavering heart, financial problems or other things such as worry that dampen or destroy intimacy. This kind of stuff

needs to be dealt with out in the open between the lovers if the marriage is to continue on. But at the heart of all marriages lies a singular Bible verse.